Stumbled across a delightful Ted Talk recently by Eduardo Briceno where he talks about the difference between the “learning mode” and the 
“performance mode.” He points out that what we learned in school, most of the time, was the “performing mode”— where what we did every day counted. We were graded, day after day, whether on our homework, our pop quizzes, our ability to be correct, not making mistakes. Briceno suggests, however, that the “performing mode” that we were taught in school is in fact the least conducive approach to “learning. ” We do learn while in the performance mode, of course. But only slowly, and with much angst.
Briceno pointed out that the “learning mode” happens most efficiently when we are not being judged– when mistakes are not only accepted, but encouraged. We are not expected to know the answers, but rather are searching for the answers. Indeed, it is when we are wrong that we learn what is right. When we are unsure, that is when we learn what is what. Listening to his talk, I realized that here as an old man– or rather, a man of mature experience– my school days are still with me when it comes to learning. I don’t give myself a whole lot of permission to be wrong, to not know what is what, to be innocent, naïve. When it comes to learning, I’m mostly stuck in the “performance” mode, expecting too much of myself too soon because that’s what I learned, and tha’t’s what my culture expects of me.
So, after listening to Briceno, I’ve decided to add another experiment to my already full list of “life experiments” that I’m currently conducting. I’m going to stop expecting great performances from myself every day. I am thinking maybe I’ll devote half of my days to being wrong, to not knowing all the answers, and just learning– maybe, tuesdays, thursdays and saturdays. I might perform on those days, but only accidentally, inadvertently, while in the process of learning.
On an evening walk a number of years ago, coming into a green pasture next to some ponds not far from my home, just as the sun was setting behind the nearby Rocky Mountains, I realized that if I was not peaceful, not aware of beauty in that particular setting, then my un-peace was something I was bringing to the setting because the setting itself was pristine– so beautiful, so peaceable, with horses grazing and geese flying overhead and the soft summer breeze making everything smell sweet and feel rich.
So now I recognize that part of my work as an old guy is simply to make my daily life– both inner and outer– more peaceable, more creative, more beautiful, simply to harmonize with the natural beauty around me.
But as an old guy I still have so much I want to learn– about WordPress and bonsai and woodworking and pear tree pruning and yoga, etc. etc. etc. But it seems I’m still stuck in the “performing” mode— always trying to do things right, get things done (in the right way) that my learning has been stymied. So for a while, as an experiment, I’m going to alternate ‘learning days” with performing days.
The good news is, this is a learning day, so I don’t need to work too much more on this post. I’m off to see where I can g0 wrong, where I can make mistakes, where I don’t know the answers to the test. What freedom!
